When you think about negotiation, what comes to mind first? If you're like most people, it's probably images of corporate warriors battling over contracts, or the anxiety of asking for that salary raise. The fear of losing, of being rejected, of walking away empty-handed.
But Mori Tirpour, who has taught negotiation at the prestigious Wharton School for two decades, sees it completely differently. To her, negotiation isn't warfare—it's collaborative problem-solving. And the secret weapon isn't aggression or manipulation, but something far more powerful: genuine human connection.
In this interview, Mori reveals why the best negotiations happen when both parties walk away feeling better than when they started, why getting a 'no' can be more valuable than a 'yes', and how shifting from a scarcity mindset to abundance thinking can transform not just your deals, but your entire business approach.
Watch the full interview now on EO's YouTube channel! Below is the complete transcription of the interview. Minor edits have been made for clarity and readability.
Key Highlights:
"When you think about negotiation, what comes to your mind first? Especially in business, when you're finalizing a contract or asking for a high salary, people tend to think of negotiation as a win-lose game. Fear keeps us from taking chances. You think about everything as being really limited."
"What do you think is a good negotiation? It's not one person winning and the other person losing. It's about two people coming together, addressing this problem and walking away feeling better because of it."
"The reason why I say a good no is sometimes better than a bad yes is because if we use no as an opportunity to get more information, it allows you to problem solve."
"This notion of abundance is that there are opportunities, that there's more possibilities than there are limitations, that if I do this, it could end up in a really great place."
"What do you think is a good negotiation? It's not one person winning and the other person losing. It's about two people coming together, addressing this problem and walking away feeling better because of it."
"The reason why I say a good no is sometimes better than a bad yes is because if we use no as an opportunity to get more information, it allows you to problem solve."
"This notion of abundance is that there are opportunities, that there's more possibilities than there are limitations, that if I do this, it could end up in a really great place."
Beyond Win-Lose: Redefining What Good Negotiation Looks Like
What do you think makes a good negotiation?
Mori: It's not one person winning and the other person losing. It's about two people coming together, addressing this problem and walking away feeling better because of it. And usually, it doesn't mean that you got everything that you wanted. We were able to work through a problem and come to a solution, feeling satisfied, feeling like they accomplished their goals because this was such a good experience, we can do this again and again and again. It is about human connection. It is about communications that feel respectful and open.
Why Human Connection Trumps Hard Tactics in Business
Some people may say that human connection is very important in relationships like family or friends, but it's not that important in business because the more important thing is getting what you want, not losing stuff. Why do you think that human connection is also important in business situations?
Mori: In some ways, I think it's even more important. You don't want to have a one-time customer, you want to have a customer that comes back to you every time. I feel like the relationship aspect of it is really important, and I can understand what you're saying because again, this goes back to some of those misconceptions that it's about winning and losing, and it's not about winning and losing. There's room for everybody.
My students sometimes say, well, I'm just buying a car, I'm never going to see this person again. Why is that important? They're likely to give you a better deal if you treat them kindly. If you treat them with respect. A relationship approach doesn't mean that we're going to become best friends for the rest of our life. It means that you treat people in a way that suggests that if you came back, you'd do so because what you have both experienced was pleasant.
A lot of studies have shown us this, that when we think we're never going to see somebody ever again, or we don't feel that sense of connection, or if we don't feel like there's going to be a relationship there, we're more likely to not behave very good.
My students sometimes say, well, I'm just buying a car, I'm never going to see this person again. Why is that important? They're likely to give you a better deal if you treat them kindly. If you treat them with respect. A relationship approach doesn't mean that we're going to become best friends for the rest of our life. It means that you treat people in a way that suggests that if you came back, you'd do so because what you have both experienced was pleasant.
A lot of studies have shown us this, that when we think we're never going to see somebody ever again, or we don't feel that sense of connection, or if we don't feel like there's going to be a relationship there, we're more likely to not behave very good.
Why 'No' Can Be Your Best Friend in Negotiations
I think many people are afraid of negotiating because of rejection, but in your book, it says that sometimes no is better than a yes. Could you explain why that is?
Mori: Nobody likes to hear no. We don't like it. We're afraid of it because we feel like somebody has rejected us, but the reason why I say a good no is sometimes better than a bad yes is because if we use no as an opportunity to get more information, it allows you to problem solve. The next time you ask, you could ask it in a different way that maybe now they would say yes to because you ask them why this didn't work.
Whereas if somebody, you ask for something and somebody just said yes, I mean, it's great, right? It's wonderful, but if you don't know what they said yes to, did they say yes because they have a bigger budget right now, but if you went to them the next time, they'll say no because they don't have that budget. Did they say yes because it's a really good day for them?
Again, we all celebrate yeses and we are all afraid of nos, but if you stop thinking about no as the closed door as opposed to a way to problem solve, I think that we can actually almost embrace the no. They can be very helpful to us, right? So you shouldn't be afraid to ask why. It shouldn't stop you from negotiating. It's more like, OK, they said no, maybe it can be a yes the next time. Let me see what I can do. You should think that negotiation is a process of getting new information and trying to solve a problem, rather than a win-lose transaction.
Whereas if somebody, you ask for something and somebody just said yes, I mean, it's great, right? It's wonderful, but if you don't know what they said yes to, did they say yes because they have a bigger budget right now, but if you went to them the next time, they'll say no because they don't have that budget. Did they say yes because it's a really good day for them?
Again, we all celebrate yeses and we are all afraid of nos, but if you stop thinking about no as the closed door as opposed to a way to problem solve, I think that we can actually almost embrace the no. They can be very helpful to us, right? So you shouldn't be afraid to ask why. It shouldn't stop you from negotiating. It's more like, OK, they said no, maybe it can be a yes the next time. Let me see what I can do. You should think that negotiation is a process of getting new information and trying to solve a problem, rather than a win-lose transaction.
From Scarcity to Abundance: Growing the Pie Instead of Fighting Over Scraps
In your book, I really like the concept of abundance, how you have to see the situation that everything is abundant and that's when you can give a better suggestion to people and be a better negotiator. Could you explain that concept a little bit?
Mori: This notion of abundance is that there are opportunities, that there's more possibilities than there are limitations, that if I do this, it could end up in a really great place. So, it's sort of the opposite of fear in the sense that you embrace chances, take a risk because you think what could go well is far more worth it. I think that fear keeps us from taking chances and what it does is it takes your brain hostage. Think about everything as being really limited. So, one is really based on possibility and the other is limitations. It's very, very hard for some people to get there. It's very important for all of us to get there.
Could you suggest a way entrepreneurs can practice thinking that everything is enough and there's more to offer, how the pie is big enough to share?
Mori: I'll take it even a step further. It's more like the pie can get bigger. I'll use one of the examples when some of my small business owners or entrepreneurs say we're going to increase our prices because everything is more expensive for us to make these days and if we don't do this, it's going to put us out of business. But that fear again of losing a client keeps them from doing it. So now, they're shouldering all of those expenses and their profit margin starts getting smaller and smaller, right? So, you're hurting yourself because you're just thinking from a fear perspective.
But if you thought about, well, that they value us so much that they want what we do for them, if I explained to them why we need to increase our prices, when you think about it that way, not only was there room for both parties, just maybe over time they can get more business from that client, right? Because they trust you. You're the person that they're going to choose when they get another big budget to do something. When you tell people why, they can understand and they can support you. What you don't tell people why and just say we have to increase our prices. Nobody likes that, right? Nobody wants to pay more. So, it's again, better communications. It's knowing that rather than being afraid of doing it, why don't I learn how to explain to them so they can understand it and you are pleasantly surprised because people will often say yes.
But if you thought about, well, that they value us so much that they want what we do for them, if I explained to them why we need to increase our prices, when you think about it that way, not only was there room for both parties, just maybe over time they can get more business from that client, right? Because they trust you. You're the person that they're going to choose when they get another big budget to do something. When you tell people why, they can understand and they can support you. What you don't tell people why and just say we have to increase our prices. Nobody likes that, right? Nobody wants to pay more. So, it's again, better communications. It's knowing that rather than being afraid of doing it, why don't I learn how to explain to them so they can understand it and you are pleasantly surprised because people will often say yes.
The Strategic Art of Information Sharing
How do you know what to reveal, what to not show in a negotiation?
Mori: When you start thinking about negotiations not being war, but really problem solving, what we find is that the more information we share, the easier it is to solve the problem. Because again, this is one of those big myths, right? Some people say, I've been taught not to say anything. Well, if you don't say anything, how do you solve a problem? To solve a problem takes communications, right? It takes back and forth. And so, I'm definitely not saying tell somebody everything, right? You have to be very intentional.
What I mean by intentional is be prepared. Think about all of those different columns, right? Ahead of the negotiations to be like, I can share all this information, it won't hurt me. Actually, it'll help me. This information, let me see, let me see how much I trust them when I see them. And then this information in like the third column, I shouldn't tell them that at all. None their business, that could actually hurt me if I shared that. For example, a bottom line. Nobody has to know what the very, like the most that you're going to pay for something because you don't want to do that. You want to maybe pay less.
So, I think it's actually really beneficial that you share more than you believe that you should share. We're solving a problem. There's a dynamic back and forth. That's how relationships are built. That's how trust is established. For everybody, it's going to be different, for every negotiation, it's different. How much you trust the other person is different. So, be in the moment, use your even emotional intelligence and your attention to determine that, but also prepare for it and then really be more open than closed.
What I mean by intentional is be prepared. Think about all of those different columns, right? Ahead of the negotiations to be like, I can share all this information, it won't hurt me. Actually, it'll help me. This information, let me see, let me see how much I trust them when I see them. And then this information in like the third column, I shouldn't tell them that at all. None their business, that could actually hurt me if I shared that. For example, a bottom line. Nobody has to know what the very, like the most that you're going to pay for something because you don't want to do that. You want to maybe pay less.
So, I think it's actually really beneficial that you share more than you believe that you should share. We're solving a problem. There's a dynamic back and forth. That's how relationships are built. That's how trust is established. For everybody, it's going to be different, for every negotiation, it's different. How much you trust the other person is different. So, be in the moment, use your even emotional intelligence and your attention to determine that, but also prepare for it and then really be more open than closed.
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